Think about direction

I’m trying to stop being confused. I need to find some zen goodness and direction.

I’ve always wanted to live life reaching out to other people and finding ways to gain common ground, to help people, to connect. I’ve been advised many times to stop expecting to understand anyone except myself. People are unpredictable. People let you down. People are rubbish, or so I’m told… Perhaps the people advising this are the very people who don’t want to be analysed or understood; that would make them accessible or vulnerable and they’ve already been let down enough, thank you very much.

Yes. People do let you down. Frequently. But at least if I can have some hope of understanding why, I can forgive it. Equally importantly, those people forgive me too.

I don’t feel let down. I feel supported. I thank everyone who’s supported me through this last year, in whatever capacity they could, because they made what could have been simply awful into something bearable and at times, fun. That includes my family, my friends, and even all of my ex-partners, everyone has played a part in keeping me sane and looking after me (or Bob the stinky dog) in some way. You’re all lovely, and thank you.

Yes, 2012 has been tough – but it wasn’t fighting the cancer that was the toughest. It was trying to maintain relationships with the people who matter most to me. And whilst breaking up with two of them in the last 14 months has been really difficult, emotional and confusing,  I couldn’t have got through the cancer crap without their support, and I love them and all of my family and friends dearly.

If you are confused, check with the sun
Carry a compass to help you along
Your feet are going to be on the ground
Your head is there to move you around, so

Stand in the place where you live
Now face North
Think about direction
Wonder why you haven’t before
Now stand in the place where you work
Now face West
Think about the place where you live
Wonder why you haven’t before

Lyrics by REM