Wish you were here


Anniversaries and significant dates are always going to be tricky… or interesting… or devastating.

I am swinging wildly between them emotionally. It’s my birthday month and I love a good birthday, I always have. You gave me that love of birthdays.

One minute I am absolutely fine and having a laugh… and then suddenly something catches me off guard and I’m reminded. I will will never see you or speak to you again, Mum.

I know I’m incredibly lucky to have had the years with you that I did, knowing that you were there thinking about me and always wanting the best for me.

I don’t want to diminish the lovely people that are still in my life. I’m grateful for each and every one of them and the love they have for me. I just don’t want you to be gone.

Tonight, for example. I had a fun evening out with my friends.  Then I came home and I opened the post. There was a brochure for clothes that arrived today and it’s stuff that I like, so I was leafing through the pages and thinking “no, there’s nothing I particularly want… (this is probably a good thing)…”

…and then I spotted something that two years ago I would have bought you for Christmas, and I thought “ooh, that would be good for Mum, she’d like that!”

………………………oh.

Mum.

I wish you were here.

So, so you think you can tell…
Heaven from hell, blue skies from pain?
Can you tell a green field from a cold steel rail?
A smile from a veil? Do you think you can tell?

Did they get you to trade your heroes for ghosts?
Hot ashes for trees? Hot air for a cool breeze?
Cold comfort for change? And did you exchange
A walk-on part in the war for a lead role in a cage?

How I wish, how I wish you were here
We’re just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year after year.
Running over the same old ground… and how we found
the same old fears; Wish you were here.

Wish you were here” – by Roger Waters / Dave Gilmour  / Jon David

4 Comments

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4 responses to “Wish you were here

  1. I understand this pain so well and my heart aches for you. Last month was my birthday and not getting card and a call from my Mum broke my heart all over again. Next week is the fourth anniversary of my Mum’s death, but of course we don’t need anniversaries to remind us of how much we miss our Mums every day x

  2. I’m so sorry for your loss. It sounds like you had a strong connection with your mom. I love that you still think of her and think of the things she liked. It’s great to remember people that way.