Nobody said it was easy…

Had a nice chat to a friend who’s living in Holland at the moment. She’s moved back there after living in the UK for many years. The catalyst for that was a combination of things including the break up of a relationship and the end of one of her work contracts.

Originally, my friends and I had been trying to persuade her to move nearer to us and find work nearby so we could all socialise. I’m not convinced she was that fussed for the idea, but I definitely stopped hassling her to do that and put the stoppers on the entire idea by splitting up with my other half and suddenly becoming very antisocial as a result.

This year has been crazy just in terms of the sheer number of people that have split up with each other. In fact everyone in a one group of my friends (mainly couples) has split up. It’s like a ripple effect of unhappiness. It’s very weird how things happen like that. In fact, having done a quick search on one of the more gossipy newspaper/rag websites it’s apparent that my theory is not unfounded:

Yes, divorce is infectious… (Daily Mail article)

It’s a myth that second marriages are more successful than first marriages. In fact I’m led to believe that remarriages have a higher divorce rate. Perhaps it’s because, having “survived” the process once, the fear of the decision lessens and the choice is easier to make. It doesn’t necessarily make the decision the correct one, of course, but it can be made with more confidence.

I heard a depressing statistic the other day that around 50% of all marriages now end in divorce. I’m not convinced it’s that high but even so I am saddened that it’s on the increase no matter what the headline figure is.

Particularly, I was thinking back to when everything was new with my last relationship and splitting up was unfathomable.  But then, things you don’t expect to happen in your life have a bigger impact on you than you’d like to admit, and whilst it’s not the fault of your partner, they become associated with each difficulty or sadness in your mind.

For example, a couple who have some difficult events in their lives – such as a miscarriage,  trouble conceiving, unhappy with work, health issues etc. Could such a couple continue to nurture their relationship and ride the rocky patches? Yes of course they can. IF they are both in the right state of mind, continue to love and care for each other and if they express that on a regular basis and if they aren’t stressed and working late and if they don’t have other health problems to deal with.

These things add up. They sometimes pile up into a great unnavigable heap. That’s when it gets difficult even talking about all that crap because it can make life even more depressing. I should know.

Nobody said it was easy
It’s such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard…
Oh take me back to the start
Lyrics by Coldplay